Twelve Years On

 

That Thing Called Anger

 Anger is one of the feelings we experience during loss. We feel cheated because its unfair that we have to face misery. This painting here is an abstract representation of anger.

David Whyte is a well known Irish poet and author. I came across his essay on anger and felt like sharing it. 

ANGER is the deepest form of compassion, for another, for the world, for the self, for a life, for the body, for a family and for all our ideals, all vulnerable and all, possibly about to be hurt. Stripped of physical imprisonment and violent reaction, anger is the purest form of care, the internal living flame of anger always illuminates what we belong to, what we wish to protect and what we are willing to hazard ourselves for. What we usually call anger is only what is left of its essence when we are overwhelmed by its accompanying vulnerability, when it reaches the lost surface of our mind or our body’s incapacity to hold it, or when it touches the limits of our understanding. What we name as anger is actually only the incoherent physical incapacity to sustain this deep form of care in our outer daily life; the unwillingness to be large enough and generous enough to hold what we love helplessly in our bodies or our mind with the clarity and breadth of our whole being. 

Inner Powerlessness

What we have named as anger on the surface is the violent outer response to our own inner powerlessness, a powerlessness connected to such a profound sense of rawness and care that it can find no proper outer body or identity or voice, or way of life to hold it. What we call anger is often simply the unwillingness to live the full measure of our fears or of our not knowing, in the face of our love for a wife, in the depth of our caring for a son, in our wanting the best, in the face of simply being alive and loving those with whom we live. Our anger breaks to the surface most often through our feeling there is something profoundly wrong with this powerlessness and vulnerability… Anger in its pure state is the measure of the way we are implicated in the world and made vulnerable through love in all its specifics.

Life is a Dream

 

Granny's Advice

Akshay's Nanima left a few months before he did in the year 2011. She would always make something special for him to eat when he visited her. Remembering Nanima fondly on her 11th anniversary. When ever we would feel vulnerable she would give sound advice, "Nuuvu chesina manchi neeku raksha", which means, " your good deeds and actions will always protect you like a shield. This would help us face tough situations and navigate through troubled waters. Timeless advice, as we all have discovered through the many challenges we faced after her passing. 

 

Archie Pays a Tribute to Akshay

Ten years on, Archie misses Akshay just as a human would. These poignant pictures are proof that animals continue to feel the absence of their owners long after they are gone. Research on evolutionary biology says that dogs also work out such feelings of deep emotional loss in their own way and may feel listless or not feel like eating. These pictures speak volumes on canine affection that lasts. 

 

The Fullness of the Emptiness

Happy Birthday dear Akshay, you would have been 21 years old today here on Earth. You get a nebulous feeling on these special days of your loved ones, when they are no longer with you. These lines penned by Jeff Foster beautifully capture that feeling. 

                                   

If you are exhausted, rest 

If you don't feel like starting a new project,  don't

If you don't feel the urge to make something new 

Just rest in the beauty of the old, the familiar and the known

If you don't feel like talking, stay silent

If you are fed up with the news, turn it off

If you want to postpone something until tomorrow, do it

If you want to do nothing today, let yourself do nothing

Feel the fullness of the emptiness,

The vastness of the silence,

The sheer life in your unproductive moments,

Time does not always need to be filled,

You are enough simply in your being.

The Shine of Truth

 An inspirational line relevant for our times taken from the writings of Nanaji, Akshay's maternal grandfather. He used to write regularly on spiritual matters for Tapovan Prasad, a magazine from Chinmaya Mission. Akshay was born a month after he passed away this day in 2001. Remembering Nanaji fondly on his 21st anniversary.